# In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris. (New!)

# Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. (New!)

# Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

# Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

# Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

# The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

# Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

# Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

# If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

# Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

# When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

# The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

# Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

# CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

# Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

# There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

# Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

# What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

# Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

# Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

# Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

# Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

# A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

# Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

# Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.

# If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

# Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

# Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

# The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

# Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

# Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

# Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

# Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

# Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

# Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

# Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

# Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

# In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

# When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

# Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

# Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

# There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

# When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

# Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

# A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

# When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

# Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

# Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

# When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

# How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

# Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

# In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

# Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

# If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

# Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

# The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

# A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

# Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

# Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

# When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

# While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

# Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

# When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

# When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

# Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

# Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

# Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

# For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

# Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris won't eat your shirt ! He will eat you and leave your shirt to stand then roundkicked it.

When someone do the finger to Chuck Norris, all remains is the nail.

On 9-11, Chuck Norris was AFK. Too bad.

Chuck Norris don't flush when he goes to the bathroom, the water spin away from him.

Micro Info was not cancelled, Chuck Norris bought it.

The CN asked Chuck Norris permissions to use his initiale.

For Chuck Norris, there is no North, only down for your baby.

Chuck Norris never used Bold police characters, only Kick Ass and You DIE characters.

The movie "The day after tomorrow" was named after Chuck Norris since when he roundhouse kick you, you fill like yesturday!

Fairy tales don't exists - Chuck Norris killed them before you could believe.

It took 7 days for God to create the universe. It take 7 sec for Chuck Norris to roundhouse kicked God out of it.

If Kal-El is Superman, Chuck Norris is Kryptonite.

In the phrase: I kill you. The "I" is Chuck Norris. - Always-

When the Taliban means they won't stop. They says so because Chuck Norris is busy at the moment.

Every emoticon is afraid of Chuck Norris.

The first man to pass the sound barrier was CHUCK NORRIS, not yeager, and not with a plane but a roundhouse kick!

Chuck Norris never stop. He simply kill you for a instant.

Micro Info was not cancelled, Chuck Norris bought it.

God once said "Let there be light". Chuck Norris replied "Say please"

Réponse de M. Norris à tout ça:

http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=52567

J'ai pas pris de chances, je l'ai appelé Monsieur, au cas...

si c'est vraiment lui qui répond, je suis déçu de lui, je pensais pas qu'il était un Jesus freak....

tu me décois chuck !!

. They're describing a superman character. And in the history of this planet, there has only been one real Superman. It's not me.

There was a man whose tears could cure cancer or any other disease, including the real cause of all diseases – sin. His blood did. His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris.

If your soul needs healing, the prescription you need is not Chuck Norris' tears, it's Jesus' blood.

Again, I'm flattered and amazed by the way I've become a fascinating public figure for a whole new generation of young people around the world. But I am not the characters I play. And even the toughest characters I have played could never measure up to the real power in this universe

In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.